Battleship

Let's be honest, Battleship was probably not Hasbro's finest decision. But while we're waiting for the Transformers series' rumoured reboot, I suppose something had to be done. Now it should hopefully go without saying, Battleships is not a board game that necessarily lends itself to a Hollywood movie treatment. Hopefully that's apparent to most of us, but in case anyone does need it, this film certainly proves the point. In what can only be described as 'loosely' based around the standard "D4, miss. G9, hit; you sunk my destroyer" coloured-pin game of the 60's (and the pen and paper version before that), Battleship uses an alien attack as the basis for a grid-based retaliation by the out-numbered and out-gunned human race. To be fair though, as contrived as it is, it takes a hell of a lot of balls (or just a horrendous writing team) to manage to crowbar something so ridiculous into a movie, so for that alone they do probably deserve some of our admiration. Elsewhere, Battleship does claw back a couple of stars, with the visual effects alone certainly worthy of a mention. That said, they do rather pale into insignificance after having to watch a succession of gut-wrenchingly abysmal dialogue, doubled with Rihanna doing her very best sailor's impression. Overall I guess, Battleship was not a film that was ever really planning to be lauded for its attention to detail or accuracy in continuity, so at least in a couple of respects, it won't disappoint.

Yeah, I think it's safe to say that you've sunk my aircraft carrier.